6 Human Needs to Make Love Last Forever

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! I have a very special guest blogger today, my dad and he knows a thing or two about love and relationships. Always remember, even when the dishes haven't been done, or the toothpaste cap wasn't put back on "Express your love to your partner every day".

"Please Love Me Forever"

Is this not what we all want and need? Can love be as beautiful and last forever as it does in the movies and the stories we read? Of course it can. We simply need to make sure we look after that person we have chosen as our soul mate and partner. If we expect that our relationship will just happen and last forever, we may be opening ourselves for plenty of pain where it hurts most…our hearts.

How is it that we can attain the love we see in the movies or in photos where a couple is always embracing one another, madly in love with a sparkle in their eyes for each other and complete contentment? This picture can be true for all of us if we follow a few simple steps.

It is of paramount importance that we express our feelings freely to our partners. We need to openly share our thoughts, hopes and feelings and that we always focus on what makes us passionate about one another. These actions will always be seen as an expression of our commitment to that special person in our lives.

It is important to satisfy our partner’s Human Needs to have love last forever. Check in with your partner to see how you are doing in terms of these needs:

• Certainty –- the need to be certain that we are receiving pleasure and not pain
• Variety –- opportunities to stretch our emotional and physical range
• Significance - to feel needed, special and desired
• Connection - love and connection with that special person
• Growth - constant emotional and spiritual growth
• Contribution - our desire to go beyond our personal needs and give to others.

It is also critical to know what order of importance these human needs are for your partner. You do not want to score nine out of ten on a need that is not high on your partner’s list. This could have as negative effect on your relationship as the highest priority needs of your partner not being met.

Assuming your partner’s six Human Needs are being satisfied, how is it that you maintain that lasting relationship? Make sure that you allow yourself to understand what your partner is feeling and express your appreciation and understanding of that. Make sure you are giving your partner what they need. Build trust into your relationship through words and actions. Keep your passion and playfulness in the present. Do frequent alignment checks with your partner to have a keen and clear sense that you are both operating from a common set of values and beliefs. Be very conscious of one another’s lasting beauty. Express gratitude every day for the love you receive from your partner.

In my professional practice working with many couples who unfortunately are not experiencing a fulfilling relationship, I assist them in reviewing these checks and balances on Human Needs and the ways they are creating the relationship that we all want. It is real and it is attainable and it takes some effort, intuition and being conscious of your partner in the here and now.

My partner and I have been friends and deeply in love for almost fifty years. I still feel that surge of energy and excitement when I come around the corner at the grocery store and our eyes meet. We can all have that. Be present and communicate completely with one another. Do not allow conflict to last longer than ten minutes. Remember, forgiveness - letting go is the second most important ability that we have other than our capacity to love – the two greatest gifts we have been given to experience a long life filled with love.

So, move forward and celebrate the most important relationship you will ever have. Express your love to your partner every day. You will have that love forever!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Mike, Life Skills Coach & Career Counsellor

Michael, a graduate of the University of Toronto with a Masters Degree in the Science of Human Behaviour, has been a life skills coach for over 30 years. His company, Sound Coaching, (www.soundcoaching.ca) offers coaching in several areas. To his practice Michael brings compassion, empathy and the ability to support his clients in a manner that enables them to live their lives to the fullest.